Bangkok, Thailand

My time in Bangkok is something that I am still trying to process. There is no way I can sum up my trip into this letter although I will try. Driving from the airport to Beginnings I was not expecting to see much but just in the short ride from the airport to the home we would be staying at we were slapped in the face with images I will never forget. Going I prepared myself as much as possible for the girls we would encounter and the men we would encounter but I was not prepared for everything else I saw in Bangkok. There is so much evil and poverty in that city. I have never been anywhere quite like it. People are dying on the streets from leprosy, a sickness that should not be killing people because it is so easily cured. Babies, as young as 2 and 3 years old are left to sleep alone on the streets of Bangkok. Children are being kidnapped and placed on street corners with a cup just to get a little bit of money. Women are being exploited and are being treated less than human as mans lust for sex and money continues to grow. They are being forced to act in the most vile and degrading ways in order to provide for their families. Slavery is running ramped in this world and we are turning a blind eye to it and walking the other way.

While at my time at Beginnings I made a friend with an amazing girl who has been fighting this evil for several months now. She told me of a vision she had after a difficult day at the bars. She saw Jesus wandering through the streets and he would stop and give money to the lepers and the poverty stricken. Then he would make his way into the Red Light District and he would stop and talk to the men who are exploiting the women and love on them then he would make his way into the bars and he would walk up to the women and he would hold them and love them like daughters. This image hit me so hard. These are the things that Jesus did everyday of his life on earth and now we are to be his hands and his feet. We are to love on these people. Give these women a little bit of dignity, even just for one night. I suppose that means even the men who I came to have a bitterness towards as the week went on. As much as my flesh does not want to admit it the men, the customers, are broken, lost souls in need of grace and forgiveness. That is a hard realization. Especially when you see the man in the bar drinking and purchasing a girl for the night all the while on his left hand is a wedding ring.

I had the privilege of meeting so many beautiful, broken women during my time in Bangkok. I had the privilege, along with my team members, of "purchasing" almost 400 girls in 2 nights and giving them a night of freedom. A night where they can act like little girls and forget all of the hurt and the pain. A night to hear about a Man that loves them unconditionally. A Man that will not exploit them, will not ask them to do degrading things with their bodies. A Man that would lay down his life for them. It was the first time a lot of these women had heard the Jesus. It was a beautiful picture as girl after girl stood up and received their first New Testament. About 50 girls raised their hands to accept Jesus. Although I cannot be certain what that means in their life I will not underestimate the power of the blood of Jesus Christ and how he works in small, quiet ways.

This trip has broken me unlike anything else I have ever experienced. I pray that I will never loose my passion for being the hands and feet of Jesus. That the images I encountered their will forever be burned into my mind and that I will still have days that I cry over these women. We are a culture that has become so callused to the things of this world that very little bothers us. I pray that this is something we will never remain callused to. That we will fight to end this slavery that is happening today. Even through all of the darkness and oppression happening in Bangkok as well as in our own backyard there is hope. We see that by the 400 girls who came to hear about Jesus for the first time last week and the 50 hands that were raised and the tears that were shed even though their culture teaches them otherwise.

...

Today is quite possibly one of the saddest days of my life. It is the midnight premiere of Twilight Eclipse and I will not be there. So I might possible be acting like a drama queen. It is not the saddest day of my life but it is a pretty darn upsetting thing. I will miss seeing all the crazed middle schoolers with team Edward or team Jacob t-shirts on. I will miss seeing the middle aged mom's carrying around life size posters of Edward and knocking people out with their pocketbooks so their kids can get the best seat possible. I will miss all of the managers running around the theater poring sweat and looking like they are about to have a heart attack because there are hundreds of Edward crazed girls ready to stampede the moment they open the doors. BUT what I will miss the most is the excitement of going to see it with my girls. But we will all be in different places tonight and more than likely will be seeing the movie at different times. Sometimes this thing called growing up stinks!

Can we get to them first?

This video says it all...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eihluKwRo0

So Long Insecurity...

This book continues to blow my mind each time I open it up. It has been the inspiration for several of my blogs and opened my eyes even more to the grace God has for us. I have one chapter left until I am finished and I'm not sure I'm ready for it to be over. I would never be able to summarize the words of the chapter I just finished well enough for you to get the picture I did so I'm going to just quote straight out of the book...

"When you feel that familiar panic begin to rise in your heart like a river coursing its banks and your soul begins to roll with another round of 'What will I do if...?' what would happen if you were willing to hear the voice of God whisper these inaudible words?
Child, you are asking the wrong question. Here's the one that would assuage your fears: What will God do if...? Here's a smattering of answers to that mighty good question.
I, the Maker of heaven and earth, will:

Perfect everything that concerns you (Psalm 138:8)
Work all things together for your good (Romans 8:28)
Contend with those who contend with you (2 Chronicles 20:15)
Fight this battle for you(2 Chronicles 20:15)
Equip you with divine power (2 Corinthians 10:4)
Delight to show you mercy (Micah 7:18)
Meet all your needs according to My glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19)
Give you grace that is perfectly sufficient (2 Corinthians 4:19)
Be your power in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Do immeasurably more than all you could ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work within you (Ephesians 3:20)

For Our Sisters, Nieces and Future Daughters...

I am mad. I am just about to finish up Beth Moore's latest book, So Long Insecurity. It is by far one of the best books I have read in a while. The book covers what insecurity is and how we as women and even men have gotten to the point of self-loathing and always trying to change ourselves to match the recent cover of Vogue. Recently the images of the latest Miss USA 2010 promotional pictures have gotten me even more fired up. Don't get me wrong. I'm not bashing pageants or fashion magazines or anything of the sort. I like a good issue of vogue just as much as the next girl. I'm bashing the image they have taken on and the message they are sending to all of the "normal" women out here. This years pageant promotional pictures feature the women posing in lingerie, fishnets and heels. We ask ourselves why we are seeing girls that our little sisters look up to wearing more and more "sexy" attire and why they average age for eating disorders gets lower and lower each year. HELLO AMERICA! IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP! Our world has such a skewed vision of the body is and what it stands for. It has made it seem that life is about being sexually desired. Its so much bigger than that! What is it going to take to get the world just as angry and fired up about the messages that are floating around for little boys and girls to see? And its not just on the internet. For Pete's sake you can't even take your family to the mall without skyscraper size images of women in their undies plastered everywhere. No wonder we are such an insecure group of people! So what are we going to do about it? In So Long, Insecurity Beth makes it very clear that it starts with you and with me. As individuals we have to figure out how to be secure in a very insecure, image filled world. Being secure doesn't just happen over night. Its a battle that we will face every single day our feet hit the floor. But maybe if we can find the strength to stand with our head raised high, proud of who our Creator has made us then maybe, just maybe others will begin to stand with us and put an end to this epidemic. Don't get me wrong I am no more secure than the girl who walks around all day with her eyes and her feet and her arms crossed over her tummy trying to hide the fat that's not really there but I will stand in the fact that I am clothed with strength and dignity and will slowly rise out of the slime and muck of insecurity.

From here on out...

From here on out I will no longer worry about my future. Ok so that may not be the entire truth but I do wish I could stop myself from worrying about what is going to happen. I was so nervous about what I was going to do this summer but now that has all fallen into place. I got a job and it will be second shift so I will still be able to spend time I camp. I guess I got the best of both worlds on that one (yes you may now start singing the Hannah Montana theme song). I was also worried about what Adam and I would do AFTER summer. That one is still a bit fuzzy but the picture is becoming more and more clear. It is not exactly the picture I had envisioned before but I truly believe that it is going to be perfect for our lives at this present time. I won't divulge too much information on that one (just to keep you coming back), but lets just say I'm really liking where this is going. I don't know why I continue to worry and fret wondering where my life is heading when I know that my Father already has it all figured out. Silly, silly me.

The moral of the story... STOP WORRYING.

I am old...

I am officially an old women. I am doing good if I can make it past 10 p.m. All nighters? that is a thing of the past. Can we say freshman year? Ahhh to be young again. But really I'm 21! Whats up with that!? Yesterday (Sunday) Adam and I went on a road trip to VA beach for the day with some people to recruit for camp. We did not start the journey back to good ol Altavista until around 10 (& if you were paying attention earlier I stated that is my bedtime). Not to mention that I had two things due today for my Advertising class. Needless to say... it was a long night. My day usually starts at around 5:45 so when we don't arrive home until 2:30 I'm thinking... well I only have roughly 3 hours until I need to be up and I still have all of this homework. I'll just stay up for the rest of the night, finish my homework and start getting ready for class. Well I was miserable! 20 min. into the homework assignment all I could do was look at the cozy bed that my husband my snoring away in. Well, once again, needless to say... I caved. 10 min. later I was in bed snoozing right along and I have been nothing but grumpy ever since. I remember back to freshman year when it was FUN to stay up all night. Sit in the hall with your friends, drink coffee all night and laugh and giggle from being so loopy that you don't really get any homework done. Then to top it all off as soon as 5 a.m. hits, its off to IHOP you go.

Oh to be a freshman again...

On the menu...

I have discovered a new passion in life... actually lets make that two. # 1: Social Networking. Recently my Direct Marketing class has opened my eyes to see social networking (AKA: Twitter, Facebook, BLOGGER)in a whole new light. Have these things become just another thing to distract us from those last minute press releases or graphic design projects? I think not! Social media is becoming who we are! Its becoming how we communicate! Its becoming how we LIVE! Ok, so maybe I have taken it a little too far but really... Social Networking is a really cool thing and I'm really starting to get into it. #2: COOKING! I have discovered that I LOVE to cook! I have always liked it but now I LOVE it. Not only cooking but everything that comes along with it. I'm talking grocery shopping, making my grocery list, planning out my meals for the week. IT'S AWESOME! & you wanna know the funny part? I don't even have a real kitchen to cook in. That's right folks, you read it right. I don't even have a real kitchen to cook in. I have a sink, two mini fridges and a portable stove with two burners. Just one of the perks of living in a one room cabin in the middle of the woods! Maybe I'll start a whole new blog about what its like the cook a full coarse meal in a not so full coarse kitchen...


Oh, and whats on the menu tonight? Let's just say we're going Panera style tonight with homemade broccoli cheddar soup.

hmm...

So I haven't posted in awhile because my life has been slightly uneventful. But I thought I would start typing and just see what comes of it...
So recently my life has consisted of nothing but HOMEWORK, school and group projects. Thankfully after tomorrow 3 of my classes will have ended. THANK THE LORD! One of them being a class that has sucked up every moment of my waking life these past two months. Now I can concentrate of whats important. Like... getting a job (blahh), figuring out what I'm going to do with my summer, plan a sexy lingerie shower for my best friend who is getting married in June, and maybe, quiet possible have some free time to do whatever my heart desires. Actually I should probably start a workout routine. I promised myself that I was going to start as soon as school started this past January BUT I came up with one excuse or another but now I'm starting to run out of excuses seeing as I'm only going to have classes 3 days a week and my homework load is going to be cut in half. So time to get ready for those cute summer bathing suits that have been gathering dust just sitting there in my drawer. Maybe I should take them out and tack them up to the wall so every time I go to stuff an oreo in my mouth I'll think, "Do I really need those few extra hundred calories? Think how great that bathing suit will look if I don't have rolls of blubber hanging out all around it." Perhaps then I'll be more inclined to put the cookie down. I also need to work on my tan so I don't look so ghostly white. Here lately my makeup has been looking quite orange on me because of the lack of sunshine in my life. Oh well, I guess that is just the fate of winter.
99 days until it is officially summer. BRING ON THE SUNSHINE!

Feb 14 = Valentines Day...

I am sitting here in my little one room cabin at almost 8:30 at night on Valentines waiting for my husband to return with our late night Valentines meal. It is supposed to be a surprise but I'm thinking maybe Chinese? Maybe Pizza? I dunno. He will probably laugh at me later when he reads this because I am probably way off. As I am sitting here waiting for my Valentine to return to me so we can enjoy what is left of this mushy holiday (Although I must admit Valentines IS one of my favorite holidays)(AND despite the fact that I still have a math test and some other time consuming homework lingering over my head that is due by midnight) I am plagued by thoughts of how much I do not deserve this wonderful man that God has blessed me with. I have been so irritable this past week or so and have said hurtful things and have acted in non lady-like ways. As I strive to be that Proverbs 31 women I continually fall flat on my face every single day. I am continuing to pray that God will mold me and help me become the kind of women I am supposed to be and to be the kind of encouraging, loving, supportive and even fun wifey that I need to be to my hubby. I'm deff. not perfect and I have a long way to go but as my amazing forgiving husband tells me, "You have only lived 20 years and you have the next 60 to become to person you want to be."

LIFE... What a roller coaster

Lately I have been going through a lot of decisions about what needs to happen in my life over the next 6 months or so. I have a few options. I could continue to work here at camp and be the "ranch girl" as my husband loves to call me, where it would initially be the easiest thing for me to do because #1, I have the job if I want it. That means no monstrous butterflies (that feel more like a teradactyl trying to beat its way out of my stomach!) over such things like interviews. #2 If I stay I don't have to learn anything new that would cause me to lose sleep over and walk into work the next day with sweaty hands hoping I remember how to work the cash register or hoping that I don't give someone the wrong change. And #3 ... Well I won't continue to list all of the facts that would make it easier to just stay at camp. My next option for the summer would be to apply for an internship and get a job that will last me through my last semester of college and then past graduation. My second option looks best in the long run but dern that first option makes things a lot easier... even if it is just for the summer. But who knows what God wants me to do? Not me. STAY AT CAMP? DO INTERNSHIP? STAY AT CAMP? DO INTERNSHIP? Maybe I'll just go outside and find a flower and start picking petals off hoping that the last one will tell me what my future holds for me.
Over this past week I feel that God has slowly been working on my heart reminding me to just let things go. That I need to remain faithful to him in my prayer life and in getting to know him and in that things will be revealed to me and that he will lead me in the direction he has planned for me. There is no need to worry over this (although I'm sure that in my human state I will catch myself doing just that from time to time.) I have been reading Psalm for a week or so now and the other day I was reading from Psalm 40 and the very first verse says, "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry." I found that to be so encouraging because here David is going through so many trials and as he continues to cry out to God in his trouble I get feeling that maybe David felt as if God was being silent and keeping himself hidden from David. But David remained patiently faithful to God and God heard his cry and lifted David out of his pit of despair. Now I'm not saying that I'm in a pit of despair but I am saying that there are times when I feel like God is being silent and through all of my crying out and is keeping himself hidden from me. But I am remaining faithful and I know that God will take me to wherever it is that he has for me. God never leaves, we just have to remember to be faithful in those times where we don't feel him.
I know God is leading me to right where he wants me to be. Just remain faithful my friends...

Vanilla Lattes and random Macintosh Labs

Helloooo Blog World. I'm sorry to say that it has been just over a month since my last blog update. I apologize to all of my followers (Total of 6). I hope that you are not too heart broken and will forgive me. In the past month I have started my senior year of college (watch as the panic takes over!!!) and gotten into the best schedule I have ever had in all of my semesters as a college student but also one of the worst homework loads of my life.
Today's blog is dedicated to Christina Hadley. I'm sure you have heard her name as it has been a reoccurring topic in the few blogs that I have. I have not seen her lovely face in quite some time due to some very harsh winter weather. Also due to the harsh winter weather equals the lack of of good coffee in my life recently. Since my beautiful best friend knows the desire I have for coffee and the addiction that comes in the form of smooth coffee, frothy milk, and sweet whipped cream she sent me on somewhat of a wild goose chase, or shall we say caffeine chase this afternoon after my class. I looked somewhat of an idiot bending down low and searching with wide eyes like an addict looking for their drug when all of a sudden it caught my eye. A beautiful little brown disposable cup just sitting there full of java waiting for me to drink from it. Ohhh how that Christina Hadley knows the way to my heart.

2009... Memory lane here I come.

I was debating whether or not to write about the new year or not. I figured that it would be a recurring theme throughout all of the social networking sites online but after reading the all inspiring blog from one of my best friends cmhadley (check her out) I was inspired and decided it would be appropriate. So hold on to your seats ladies and gentlemen, it could be a long and rocky ride.

I guess you could say that 2009 has been somewhat of a mile marker in my life. There have been many tears, good and bad, many fights, some having happy endings others not so much, and many many excited laughing and screaming fest. This is the year I figured out what love really is and what true friendships means. I also learned this year that opposed to my previous thoughts about marriage that it is actually quite wonderful and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I found the third love of my life (Jesus first then Adam), Edward Cullin. Yes I am a sold out Twilight fan. Please don't judge me based off of that fact. 2009 strectched me more than any other year and taught me how to rely on my Jesus more than ever before. It brought me to my true passions in life and the things that set my heart on fire (Remind me to tell you about those later). I guess you could say that I have somewhat grown up this year (although I will forever be a kid at heart). I have learned that my heart aches for those who don't know my Savior, and I'm still trying to figure out where my place lies in this world as we continually fight in a war against our enemy, satan ( No that is not a capitalization mistake I just believe that his name does not deserve to be capitalized).
So I guess you could say that even though I have been a failure at alot of things this year and still have ALOT of growing up and learning to do that 2009 has been a very succesful year filled with memories I will never forget. I can't even imagine what 2010 has instore for me and the people in my life. Buckle up, here we go....